How to Support Someone with an Eating Disorder
By Olivia Simmonds
Trigger Warning: Sensitive issues on the topic of food and eating disorders will be discussed so please close this article if you think this may be triggering for you.
Around 1.25 million people in the UK struggle with an eating disorder (ED) across the country meaning the topic of this article is a sensitive but important one. The most common types of ED’s include bulimia, binge eating disorder and anorexia nervosa. This article is written largely based off personal experience of supporting someone with anorexia nervosa, meaning these suggestions may not be suitable for everyone struggling with an ED as each ED is different and will vary between individuals.
Risk factors
Sadly, there is an endless list of risk factors for ED’s which can be related to genetics but also a multitude of environmental factors. It is often a combination of multiple factors that leads to ED development. A few of the known risk factors for ED’s are: abuse, neglect or abandonment in childhood, obesity in childhood, family relationships, trauma or loss in childhood, and sexual identity problems. However, it is different for everyone and there may be other contributing risk factors that have led to the development of an ED.
What is helpful or unhelpful?
We may think that we are helping someone effectively, however, some things we do may not be helpful without us realising. The below paragraphs will go through some things to be wary of doing while supporting someone with an ED. If you recognise that you have done any of these things, then try not to be hard on yourself. It can be difficult for us to know what is or isn’t helpful and there is always more to learn.
Don’t focus on the food
Firstly, if the person with the ED has managed to make progress with their food one day, try not to celebrate this achievement by mentioning the food. Instead, try to focus on something other than food. It is likely to be more helpful to say that you’re proud of them (more generally) or that you love them no matter what, as it detracts away from the food even if it is their progress in eating behaviour that has prompted you to say this. Acknowledging how hard it must be for them and saying things such as: ‘you will get there’ and ‘you can do it’ are good examples of positive things you could say. It is also important to show them you are proud of them regardless of their food achievements, to reduce the pressure they may feel and help them know that they are accepted whatever the outcome. Showing care and support are important because they are likely to be fighting a daily battle whether it is obvious from the outside or not.
Avoid commenting on their appearance
Secondly, it is advised to avoid making comments about their appearance. Saying ‘you look better’, ‘you look healthy’ or anything that draws attention to their body may be unhelpful and could urge them to revert the progress they have made as this is not likely to be something that they would want to hear. This is the case for comments about a decrease in weight as well. Therefore, it is also best to avoid saying that someone is looking ‘unhealthy’ or ‘thin’, as this is likely to fuel the ED.
Don’t make assumptions about their recovery
It is also important not to assume that the individual is getting better if they start eating again. Recovery is a long process and for some it will continue for most of their lives. Although we want people to be a healthy weight, so they are safer medically, it is good to remember that being a healthy weight and eating food does not equate to being fully recovered.
Stay calm and supportive instead of getting angry
To be as supportive as you can be, it is helpful to not become angry with the individual or tell them off. Supporting someone you care about with an ED is likely to be a hard and sometimes painful journey but expressing anger towards them directly will not be productive. When you feel yourself becoming frustrated, it is good to remember that the ED is not their fault. Try to show that you love them and are here for them regardless of their ED and progress. This is more of what they need during this challenging time. It is ok to feel frustrated but letting out this frustration to the individual directly is not wise. Instead, seek help and support for yourself from others as it is important to be able to outlet your emotions in a suitable and safe environment and to look after yourself as well.
Help them have a healthy balance with social media
This next suggestion refers to phone and social media usage. It may be worthwhile to try and help the individual refrain from social media and any triggering content until they are in a better space to abstain from this content. However, if this is done insensitively then it can lead to arguments and further upset so it is important to approach this in a caring way and work with the individual on this. It is also good to help them manage the content that they see and the accounts that they follow. Instead of cutting social media out completely, following and liking positive accounts can be helpful and make the person feel less alone on their journey. For example, some accounts include people who specifically share their journey of recovery whilst others provide helpful tips and encouragements (such as these Instagram accounts: @nourishandeat; @neda; @bodyimage_therapist; @jennifer_rollin; @amee_rd).
Express hope instead of fear
Lastly, it can be frightening to see someone you care about suffering from an ED. However, it’s important not to pass your fear onto them. They are likely to feel frightened already and if they pick up on your fear, this could heighten theirs at a time when they need to feel safe and supported. Instead of reading up on worrying statistics about ED’s and poor recovery rates, find success stories and be determined that your loved one will be one of these. Your hope and positivity will transmit to the person with the ED which will be beneficial for their recovery.
Recovery
Some things that may help someone in the recovery process is having their friends/family there to support them, having more freedom whilst being home again (if they have been an inpatient) as well as having plans for things that they enjoy. However, it is important to recognise that different things may work for different people in recovery and so it cannot be guaranteed that what is suggested here will work for everyone.
In my experience, neuro-developmental therapy can play an important role in enabling a full recovery from an ED. This therapy addresses an immaturity in the functioning of the central nervous system, usually evidenced by the retention of primitive reflexes. This can lead to a wide array of symptoms including anxiety, low self-esteem and poor sense of ‘self’, communication difficulties and learning difficulties – to name but a few.
This therapy, carried out at home, aims to promote development of the central nervous system through a programme of neural stimulation designed to inhibit (switch off) any retained primitive reflexes. Interestingly, many of us have a developmental delay to an extent. This therapy essentially helps you to deal with life’s challenges and can help with a wide variety of emotional, learning, physiological and psychological difficulties.
Final thoughts
There will definitely be other things not mentioned that have helped individuals recover from their ED, however, I hope that hearing what has been beneficial in my experiences can be useful for someone else. This is a topic very close to my heart and for anyone who knows someone struggling with an ED, I want to reassure you that that there is hope and that you can trust the possibility of them getting better, even if it’s been a long journey already. It is also good to remember to be patient and look after yourself as recovery from an ED, like any mental illness, can be a long process with many ups and downs. Therefore, try to celebrate the ups and don’t dwell too much on the downs. Your support is invaluable to the person with the ED so it’s important that you take care of your own wellbeing; that way they will be able to draw strength from yours.
In conclusion, try to keep the topic away from food, weight, or anything in this realm. Take their mind off of food, try to bring a smile to their face and make them laugh. Lastly, but most importantly, love them well, be patient with them and know that they are doing their best.
Further support
If you have been affected by any of the content in this article and would like further support, please contact your local GP or visit the site below which has a range of useful contacts: