Building Resilience
By Olaide Taiwo
Resilience is how well we are able to deal with and recover from life’s difficulties. Beyond bouncing back, resilience is also how we adapt during difficult situations, such that our mental and physical wellbeing is preserved.
When faced with challenging circumstances, we react differently as individuals. Some may get angry, whilst others may blame themselves. Some people tend to avoid talking about it and some may wallow in the pain for a while. Whilst these may be our initial responses, since we are all humans after all, it is important to develop healthy and sustainable ways to help us cope at times like this. This is where resilience is needed.
Resilience does not mean that we pretend the occurrences didn’t happen nor does it mean we deny our feelings and act like we are okay. In fact, acknowledging the situation and how we feel about it allows us to tackle it more effectively and come out stronger. Thankfully, although resilience is often associated with a positive outlook and optimism, it is more than just a personality trait. Resilience can be learned or developed.
How can we foster our own resilience?
1) Firstly, it is important that we take steps to protect our physical health. This may help us improve our mental health and ease stressful feelings. You may want to consider your sleep pattern, eating habits and physical activity. Stress can make sleeping difficult and a lack of sleep deprives our bodies and mind the rest they really need in order to replenish their energy. This is why we may want to consider healthy ways to help us get sound sleep.
When dealing with stressful situations, it is often easier to skip meals or binge eat. However, people often find that being able to keep their eating habits under control can make a big difference in helping them feel more capable to handle the situation. Maintaining a moderate level of exercise can also facilitate good energy levels and stress relief.
2) Secondly, develop confidence in yourself. Trusting that you are capable of dealing with pressure and coping with stress can help in building self-esteem, which is said to play a crucial role in stress management. Think back on your strengths and other times you’ve successfully dealt with hard circumstances to boost your confidence the next time around. You may also benefit if you practice saying positive affirmations out loud. We inevitably have to think about what we say, so positive affirmations are good ways to encourage ourselves during a stressful period.
3) Thirdly, be kind to yourself and then to others. Self-compassion involves facing our struggles or mistakes with a warm and kind attitude, free of judgement. This does not mean that we pass responsibility on to others, instead, we are able to accept that no one is perfect, and everyone deals with their own challenges. Where possible, we can look for ways to improve the situation, but without subjecting ourselves to harsher treatment or judgemental opinions. Doing this also helps us to extend kindness to others more easily. We become more understanding and compassionate, which then contributes to how we respond to difficult situations.
4) Fourthly, spend some time to recognize your feelings. Resilience is not just about holding it all together; breaking things down is sometimes necessary. We need to be able to assess and untangle our feelings and what triggers them. When faced with difficult situations, we often experience a wide range of emotions. Being able to tell these feelings apart would better equip us with how to effectively manage them. For example, admitting that “this hurts”, “I am angry” or “I feel anxious”, would open us up to exploring reasons why feel that way and what we can do to ease the feeling.
As we continue to do this, we become more aware of our feelings and are more prepared to deal with them. We may even choose to set boundaries that will limit our exposure to things that trigger negative feelings.
5) Lastly, forming a support network with others can be very beneficial. We are often encouraged to find that we are not alone in combating difficult circumstances. Having people around us who are caring, supportive and empathetic can be helpful in getting through difficult times. With others, we are able to share how we feel, receive positive feedback, support and maybe even render assistance from our own experience.
Talking about how we feel with others who can relate can also bring up possible solutions, ways to prevent similar occurrences or ideas to help others in the same circumstances. This could give us a sense of purpose that may heighten our energy levels and motivate us to keep going.
Conclusively, we should remember that it’s okay if we don’t already feel capable of dealing with pressure or stress. We can start to begin to make these little changes and gradually develop our preparedness to adapt, handle and overcome challenges at any point in which we are ready too. Resilience isn’t just a fast-track way out of stress, it is a collection of healthy coping strategies which we have developed over time. We all have to deal with difficulties at some point in our lives, but we do not have to shy away from them, nor do we have to succumb to them. This is why the choice to cultivate resilience is worth it.