Not All Positivity Is Healthy
By Afra Padmore
Masking feelings of sadness, doubt and unfulfillment does not necessarily solve them. Instead, it often lets these anxieties grow just like how a small ball of snow running down the sides of a mountain can become an impetuous avalanche. The mindset where we think “if I don’t make X an important aspect of my life it won’t have a significant impact on my wellbeing” could lead us into a vicious cycle of toxic positivity. You may have heard of the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” but what is the point of hiding the real unresolved troubles and insecurities we feel behind this optimistic but unrealistic facade? Before delving into what toxic positivity is in more detail, let’s differentiate this from positive thinking.
Positive thinking is not to deny the downs we face in life. It means that we do not expect the worst to happen, instead we approach the less pleasant events and aspects in our lives with a more positive and productive mindset. Having an optimistic outlook on life has been found to have many benefits including helping better our coping skills during stressful times as well as helping to create a healthier mental state and physical well-being.
The benefits of optimism are often portrayed in the ways we positively engage with:
Ourselves through positive self-talk and healthy habits
Our surroundings including the people and places we get involved with
Our future as we seek and see opportunities to become a better version of ourselves
As described above, having a positive outlook on life has many benefits, however when this mentality becomes toxic in the ways it glamorises happiness, success and stability, we should start to try and unlearn the habits that prevent us from acknowledging the realities of life. We should feel more open and optimistic about being in touch with our emotions, managing them and getting on the other side of this process with a better understanding of ourselves and how we need to best take care of our mental and physical welfare.
Here are 4 top tips on how to help shift our mentality from toxic positivity to healthy optimism:
Keep and form healthier habits
Take one day at a time, the most important thing is to become a better person by making small changes each day. Think, for example, about the amount of times you hydrate yourself each day or how often you spend quality time with your loved ones each month. Can these change for the better? What actions will you take to fulfill this new goal?
Have a realistic and optimistic understanding of your emotions
We often associate positive thinking with seeing the world with rose-tinted glasses on and not being able to recognise any signs of sadness or conflict. This is not what we are trying to encourage you to do. Instead, we would like you to take life and the rollercoaster it is with a more positive perspective. Not all events in life are “meant to be” or “a sign of something greater to come” some can be really unpleasant and troublesome. As a result, we suggest you give the more negative moments in your life the attention they need, nothing less and nothing more. When something bad happens in our lives it is important to recognise it, feel the emotions that arise from it and then move on with an open-mindedness to life's new adventures
Create a positive virtual and in-person space around you
“You cannot heal in the same environment where you got sick” - Unknown. The things, thoughts and people we surround ourselves with can have a real and significant influence on the mindset we have. Just like a drink becomes cold in the fridge and warm in the oven, our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us can be shaped by the environment we create and place ourselves in. This is why it is so important to be in a space that encourages us to hold a positive mindset over a toxic one.
Be positive in the way you communicate to others and talk about yourself
Positive communication with others helps create better relationships built on mutual respect and trust as well as the ability to listen, compromise and resolve problems whilst minimising conflict. In a similar way, positive self-talk has many benefits such as improving one’s confidence, relationships with others, and attitude towards one’s ability to succeed.
In conclusion, it is a good thing to think positively and be a positive person, however, we must not let toxic positivity overshadow our need to process, experience and move through negative or challenging feelings and events. Although our generic tips above may help you do this, please give them a personal twist that makes them relevant to you. Why not take some time to reflect on your current thought patterns and routines and ask yourself a few questions relating to the above points, such as: have I got healthy habits in place (?), do I have a realistic and optimistic understanding of my emotions (?), are my virtual and in-person spaces positive for me (?) and how positive am I in the way I communicate with myself and others (?). If any of your answers highlight some issues or things that need some work then don’t be afraid to brainstorm what actions to take or share them with a trusted friend/relative so they can help you on your road to a healthy positive life.