Setting Boundaries in Your Newfound Freedom at University
By Afra Padmore
Starting university is often seen as a new phase in life where students invest in their self-development by growing in confidence and independence as well as improving their career prospects through accessing new opportunities. This idea of newfound freedom at university can often place some pressure on students because of the personal, social, academic, and professional expectations that others and themselves place on their lives. This is why setting boundaries is a healthy and effective method to make the most of the university experience without overwhelming oneself.
Setting boundaries is a way to practice self-control by defining the ways in which you expect others to behave around you in a reasonable and safe manner. It demonstrates how you will interact with them when they respect your boundaries or when they overstep those limits. Healthy boundaries are meant to be defined by the individual, they should be clear, semi-firm (therefore open to be flexible if needed), appropriate but not manipulative and protective for oneself and others. These different elements of healthy boundaries are fundamental because they help us best recognise and reflect our emotions, values and limits in our daily activities. Therefore, it is important to have a clear and firm understanding of our own boundaries so that we can confidently and appropriately prevent them from being overstepped. This, in turn, increases our chances of leading a life that mirrors our personal values whilst decreasing the likelihood of others determining our lifestyle in an unrealistic way.
Some of the practical benefits of setting boundaries in your life can be the following:
More effective time-management
Better implementation of self-care practices
Establishing stronger and healthier personal relationships
Here are 4 top tips to help you set boundaries in order to have a balanced university life:
Prioritise quality over the quantity of the time spent with loved ones
It is important to understand that being intentional in the ways we invest our time and share it with others can be more rewarding than the amount of “less meaningful” time spent with our loved ones. To better differentiate “quality time” from “non-quality time” you can ask yourself the following:
Did this commitment overwhelm my schedule?
Did I effectively prioritise this commitment amongst my other tasks?
How did I feel after engaging in this activity/spending time with this person?
Be realistic about the amount of time your commitments will take
When we have a full day it’s beneficial to give ourselves some leeway in case of unexpected events or hold-ups, for example: a lecture running over or transport not being punctual. It also prevents us from neglecting our needs such as not having enough time to sit down and eat or to just take a needed break in our day. Therefore, try and observe the amount of time it takes you to complete different tasks and fulfil various commitments. Then, be realistic in the ways you fill your schedule and try to stick to it without overwhelming yourself.
Be honest and learn to say “no”
Declining offers to socialise or engage in extracurricular activities can sometimes be seen in a negative light, a sign of discourtesy or lack of engagement or ambition. However, this negative perspective towards declining these offers does not reflect the beneficial reality of setting limits with your time. Instead, the ability to say “no” is a sign of healthy self-care, strong relationships with others and effective prioritisation of your own commitments. Furthermore, although the university culture may result in students wanting to have an extremely busy schedule, this can make them more likely to feel overwhelmed and therefore less effective and productive in their everyday student life.
It is okay to ask for help
No one is perfect and sometimes even after following the previous suggestions on how to have a balanced university life (eg: by setting healthy boundaries) we may still have some moments where our schedule still feels too busy. In this case, we suggest you try and delegate tasks to others, communicate clearly with those around you and take breaks in order to better handle and reorganise your commitments. If you feel that someone else can complete that task, ask if they are able to help you take care of it instead. If your manager, coach, lecturer or friend is adding more commitments to your schedule, share in the moment about how it will be challenging for you to complete this in the time you have. Feel free to also ask advice on how you should reprioritise your existing commitments. By doing this, you can keep everyone in the loop of your current capacity making it easier for them to know what you can do, when you are more available and when you have busier periods.
In conclusion, university culture encouraging students to make the most out of the university experience does not mean that you should overbook yourself as this could have a negative impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. Instead, adopt and practice positive ways to maintain a healthy and balanced university lifestyle where you are involved in extracurricular activities, you are able to keep in contact with your loved ones and spend quality time with them as well as having enough time for yourself to take a break from your everyday commitments.